So demanding so devouring
They took everything and gave nothing back.
Just a hell of a lot of crap to carry
I opened everything and closed everything
I said everything but still nothing
I have done everything over and over again
So many failures so many falls
Never learned. No tools, no knowledge, no patience.
It's so pointless and insignificant so why bother
It's just me and my head again
I keep running in circles
Chasing after nothing
A pursuit without meaning
No goal, no direction
I just keep running
So many thoughts and so many feelings.
A swarm of angry bees buzzing inside me
So restless and shaky, my whole body is vibrating
It's growing, accelerating, my brain is overheating
I can't keep up with my own feelings
My heart is racing and my eyes are bleeding
Everything moves at the speed of light
A hurricane inside me is tearing me apart.
My mind is spinning out of control
This is unbearable and I need to rest
I guess I get to sleep when I'm dead
So god please help me to end this
I've always wondered
How it can be so easy
To just pretend everything is okay
Is it blindness or just stupidity
Why do people always turn their backs
And closes their eyes and just walks away
Because it seems like what you can't see can't hurt you
Is it that easy to run and escape?
Is it due to fear or pure ignorance
I really don't understand how they think
How can you leave someone with deep depression
Suicidal tendencies, and self-injurious behavior
It's fucked up and I can't understand it
It can't be that hard to reach out and just be there
Trying to find the words
but I don't know what to say
It hurts to see you like this
I really don't know what to do
Nothing seems to get through to you
You are so far out of reach, but still so close
It hurts so much to see you suffer like that
The pain you bear is not right
No one should have to suffer like that
You are always here
I see you in everything
Around the corner, sneaking around
I hear your breathing I see your shadow
I can feel your fear, your anxiety
I can not help you !!
I can't comfort you, or reach you
Your suffering has become mine!!
And it hurts to know that you are too far gone
I'm not enough I'm not that strong
I can't help or save you
life is fucked up and so am I
I can't bear it, I just want to disappear
I am so confused so broken and mentally exhausted
I just want to scream and let it all out
I can't carry the weight it's too heavy
It's tearing me apart, consuming me
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don'I don't know whats in or out!
I guess it's just the way of life
An impossible situation
I can't handle it or deal with it
I don't know what to say or do
I'm lost and speechless
My heart is bleeding my soul is broken
I know too well that this is self-destructive
It's not a good place, not a safe space
It is a broken home and we are the broken ones
It's just you and me locked in this hell
I can't save you and I can't save myself
I can't control it! I can't be strong.
I just want to break down and cry!
Crawl into a corner and die
But I have to bite the bullet
Hold back the tears, stifle the screams
Build a fake smile. show strength.
But I'm not that strong!! I'm weaker than I've ever been
WHY! Am I the only one keeping him alive?
I can barely take care of myself
And I really can't do it all by myself
But I have no choice no options
It's a losing battle but I keep fighting
I want my heart to stop beating,
I don't want to feel like this!
I don't want to feel emotions. I don't want to think!
I don't want memories no past!
I just want to be empty and cold
I want to be free from the pain, the suffering
Free from everything! No more tears no more anxiety!
I just want to be free from me!!
Practice what you preach
Or just shut up
Give me a chance to explain it
I know You won't understand it and you can't change it
It's just the way it's always been
So don't preach about repeating the same thing
It doesn't help and won't change anything
I've already been through it all
self-medication, pills and drugs
Psychologists, doctors and healers
And my favorite choice of them all alcohol
So deep inside i know that repeating isn't healing!!
I can't reach, or touch it it won't stop
It continues to force me closer to the edge
I'm about to fall and can't stand up straight
I'm spinning out of control my brain is running wild
i Damned if I do and damned if I don't
So it doesn't even matter if I try or not
i'm still fucked!! And there is nothing that can change that
It's just me fighting with my own brain
I know every trick in the book
I've tried them all but nothing works
It just seems to make everything worse
So don't use your sweet little mind
Don't waste your precious time
Don't over think it don't try to solve it
It's just the way of life and I'm the one who has to live it
I know you can't see it or understand it
There is no left no right only forward
But I keep falling backwards, I trip and fall
My engine dies and my fuel runs out
It's already over!! so don't waste your precious time
Or your sweet little mind on something useless like me
My life is slipping away from me
There really is nothing left of me
An empty shell mentally and physically exhausted
This constant stress and anxiety has gotten the best of me
My life has fallen apart!!
My head is spinning, my heart is racing
It never ends, it keeps going
Thoughts, feelings It drains me so empty
Mental disaster physical chaos no strength no will
I just want to shut down, close my eyes and go to sleep
And Dream sweet dreams and be free from this
I just want to live a normal life again!!
It's always the same It never changes
Wake up screaming, eyes bleeding
bite the bullet and get through it
Put on Fake a Smile and pray that you can make it
Hold your head high or you'll lose it
keep a straight face walk a straight line
Show no emotions no reactions
Just don't trip and fall on your own feet
It's just another day, the same old story
Who is that staring at me Blood red eyes a soulless smile so familiar!! So twisted and tormented I see the fear, the scars, the smell of dec...
