It's just me!!

Constantly restless, rushing through life

So demanding so devouring

They took everything and gave nothing back.

Just a hell of a lot of crap to carry

I opened everything and closed everything

I said everything but still nothing

I have done everything over and over again

So many failures so many falls

Never learned. No tools, no knowledge, no patience.

It's so pointless and insignificant so why bother

It's just me and my head again

Keep running

So cold so empty

I keep running in circles

Chasing after nothing

A pursuit without meaning

No goal, no direction

I just keep running

I need to rest!!

Sleep wishful thinking!

So many thoughts and so many feelings.

A swarm of angry bees buzzing inside me

So restless and shaky, my whole body is vibrating

It's growing, accelerating, my brain is overheating

I can't keep up with my own feelings

My heart is racing and my eyes are bleeding

Everything moves at the speed of light

A hurricane inside me is tearing me apart.

My mind is spinning out of control

This is unbearable and I need to rest

I guess I get to sleep when I'm dead

So god please help me to end this

It's fucked up!!

I've always wondered

How it can be so easy

To just pretend everything is okay

Is it blindness or just stupidity

Why do people always turn their backs

And closes their eyes and just walks away

Because it seems like what you can't see can't hurt you

Is it that easy to run and escape?

Is it due to fear or pure ignorance

I really don't understand how they think

How can you leave someone with deep depression

Suicidal tendencies, and self-injurious behavior

It's fucked up and I can't understand it

It can't be that hard to reach out and just be there

Suffer like that

Same thing every day

Trying to find the words

but I don't know what to say

It hurts to see you like this

I really don't know what to do

Nothing seems to get through to you

You are so far out of reach, but still so close

It hurts so much to see you suffer like that

The pain you bear is not right

No one should have to suffer like that

I'm not enough

You are always here

I see you in everything

Around the corner, sneaking around

I hear your breathing I see your shadow

I can feel your fear, your anxiety

I can not help you !!

I can't comfort you, or reach you

Your suffering has become mine!!

And it hurts to know that you are too far gone

I'm not enough I'm not that strong

I can't help or save you

I'm so f*cked up!

life is fucked up and so am I

I can't bear it, I just want to disappear

I am so confused so broken and mentally exhausted

I just want to scream and let it all out

I can't carry the weight it's too heavy

It's tearing me apart, consuming me

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

I don'I don't know whats in or out!

I guess it's just the way of life

Save yourself

An impossible situation

I can't handle it or deal with it

I don't know what to say or do

I'm lost and speechless

My heart is bleeding my soul is broken

I know too well that this is self-destructive

It's not a good place, not a safe space

It is a broken home and we are the broken ones

It's just you and me locked in this hell

I can't save you and  I can't save myself

I keep fighting

I can't control it! I can't be strong.

I just want to break down and cry!

Crawl into a corner and die

But I have to bite the bullet

Hold back the tears, stifle the screams

Build a fake smile. show strength.

But I'm not that strong!! I'm weaker than I've ever been

WHY! Am I the only one keeping him alive?

I can barely take care of myself

And I really can't do it all by myself

But I have no choice no options

It's a losing battle but I keep fighting

No more tears

I want my heart to stop beating,

I don't want to feel like this!

I don't want to feel emotions. I don't want to think!

I don't want memories no past!

I just want to be empty and cold

I want to be free from the pain, the suffering

Free from everything! No more tears no more anxiety!

I just want to be free from me!!

So deep inside

Practice what you preach

Or just shut up

Give me a chance to explain it

I know You won't understand it and you can't change it

It's just the way it's always been

So don't preach about repeating the same thing

It doesn't help and won't change anything

I've already been through it all

self-medication, pills and drugs

Psychologists, doctors and healers

And my favorite choice of them all alcohol

So deep inside i know that repeating isn't healing!!

It's just me!!

I can't reach, or touch it it won't stop

It continues to force me closer to the edge

I'm about to fall and can't stand up straight

I'm spinning out of control my brain is running wild

i Damned if I do and damned if I don't

So it doesn't even matter if I try or not

i'm still fucked!! And there is nothing that can change that

It's just me fighting with my own brain

Sweet little mind

I know every trick in the book

I've tried them all but nothing works

It just seems to make everything worse

So don't use your sweet little mind

Don't waste your precious time

Don't over think it don't try to solve it

It's just the way of life and I'm the one who has to live it

I know you can't see it or understand it

There is no left no right only forward

But I keep falling backwards, I trip and fall

My engine dies and my fuel runs out

It's already over!! so don't waste your precious time

Or your sweet little mind on something useless like me

Normal life

My life is slipping away from me

There really is nothing left of me

An empty shell mentally and physically exhausted

This constant stress and anxiety has gotten the best of me

My life has fallen apart!!

My head is spinning, my heart is racing

It never ends, it keeps going

Thoughts, feelings It drains me so empty

Mental disaster physical chaos no strength no will

I just want to shut down, close my eyes and go to sleep

And Dream sweet dreams and be free from this 

I just want to live a normal life again!!

Me Myself & I

There is no order in disorder

It's just chaos and me myself and i

Same old story

It's always the same It never changes

Wake up screaming, eyes bleeding

bite the bullet and get through it

Put on Fake a Smile and pray that you can make it

Hold your head high or you'll lose it

keep a straight face walk a straight line

Show no emotions no reactions

Just don't trip and fall on your own feet

It's just another day, the same old story