Autistisc
Dystymi!
Generalized anxiety disorder
Self-inflicted behavior, parnoid
Emotionally suspended suicidal tendencies
Avoidance and isolation, what's wrong with this picture?
How can you believe that something can change
When nothing is done to even help him !!
No therapy no medicine nothing at all
Just left inside a room filled with anxiety and fear
And no one is doing anything about it
So what's wrong with this picture?
You put the knife in his back, the fear in his head
You never gave him the chance to speak for himself
You pushed him over the edge with unreasonable demands
With constant threats, you created anxiety and unnecessary stress
You crushed the line so many times you stabbed him in the back
And now you are about to do something worse !!
Words mean nothing !!
Meaningless talk repeated answers
No one takes responsibility he is kicked around in a broken system
Thrown between the chairs and left outside
He receives no care, no help, he is alone
Abandoned hidden and isolated in a dark room
He needs help!! he needs care, not empty words and false promises
Action means everything word means nothing !!
I'm not perfect
I am neither more nor less
I'm not better or worse than anyone else
I'm a person like you
So treat me with respect
Accept me as I am
Respect my boundaries take me for who I am
I'm not perfect I have my faults and shortcomings
Just like you and everyone else, I'm not perfect, neither are you !!
They keep asking the same thing!
How should I know or feel any difference
This is how it has always been, it's just me
I do not know the difference! between worry, stress, and anxiety
It's all the same for me!
I do not even know the difference between you and me !!
Love and hate and everything in between.
This is me! The one I am The one I have always been!
I was born with autism and I will die with autism
It's a lifelong struggle but I'm still alive and struggling!
So learn and listen to accept and understand that everyone is different and unique
Don't create a problem without knowing the reason behind it
This is my life my reality This is how it has always been, this is me.
Multiply diagnoses !!
A new one for each attempt
No treatment no help
How is it even possible to ignore
Depriton, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, traumatized and paranoid
Self-inflicted behavior and suicidal tendencies
And still he gets no no support no help
How is it acceptable in today's society?
I beat myself to escape!
My soul is wounded and damaged.
There is no joy no longing.
Only emptiness and loneliness.
I don't want to feel don't want to think.
Thoughts that refuse to stop emotions that never end
There is no end, there is no beginning
Just the growing anxiety and fear of losing you
So I hurt myself to erase the pain
But there is no escape no relief from this inner hell!!
We are all looking for something !!
An eternal search for something more
A need for meaningless material things
We create our own anxiety and stress
According to the rules of others
The grass is not greener on the other side
There are so many ways to live a better life
Then to chase meaningless material things!!
Materialism doesn't bring happiness!!
Wasted time wasted life
Years of destructive attempts
Wrong decisions devastating consequences
Disaster after disaster increased anxiety
Scared and paranoid and completely alone
Helpless vulnerable no trust no safety net
A voice that silenced a life that ended
A wasted time a wasted life Just another wasted year!!
Adjust normality
Strange words without rhyme and meaning
What is even normal?
Who decides what is right or wrong
Who are you who gives you the rights
To force your image of normality and adaptation
You have no right to change someone else's normal
Just because it does not suit you
You can not change an autstic person! Force them to adapt
To something that is not normal for them
Educate yourself before you judge someone else
Autism is not a behavioral problem !!
And what you see as wrong is normal autistic behavior
Yes I feel good everything works as it should
No no anxiety today! Nothing has happened
Do not worry, I'm fine, I'm surviving.
No, I do not need anything today or tomorrow.
I need absolutely nothing at all! No help!
Stop nagging, just let me be
Read between the lines he is not okay and nothing is fine
No, I'm not okay!
No i dont feel good noting works as it should
just anxiety today! Nothing has changed
Be Worried! I'm in a panic I will not survive
Yes, I do need something both today and tomorrow.
I need everything I can not get! I need help !!
Stop nagging at me, just see me understand me
I'm not good I'm not okay !!
Fear of losing control!
Fear that the impulses will take over.
So afraid of aggravating everything.
A struggle to control everything that grows beneath the surface.
The anger, the frustration, the anxiety that just grows
The feelings all the words the thoughts I want it out.
I want to shatter their distorted view of reality.
Crush all the walls, tear down all the bridges.
Hit a nail in their coffin, bury everything.
Get them to redo and do the right thing for once
How many?
Depressive tendencies are required
Isn't self-harming behavior enough?
How far are you going to let this go?
It's a fine line between self-harm and suicide
How close to the edge are you willing to push him?
I did not hurt or abandon him
I did nothing wrong !!
It was not me who created the anxiety, the fear
I was not the one who threatened or forced him
It was not me who stepped over the line
I did not expose him to the physical abuse that started it all
It was your threats, your mistakes, that traumatized him
You chose to listen to the abuser took every little white lie
And made it into your truth !! The truth is, you did this to him
One year has passed !! Still no help or support
He has been living with fear anxiety for a year
He injures himself isolating himself from the outside world
He has become suicidal And you do nothing about it !!
In my mind !!
You're always there
I see you in everything
I can feel your fear your anxiety
I can not help you !!
I can not make you feel safe
I can not comfort you I can not even see you
It hurts me to know how much you suffer
And not being able to do anything about it
That feeling destroys me from within !!
Care?
Care plan?
What a fucking joke
Creator of anxiety self-harm and agony
A house of pain an isolation cell!
This is what you call a nursing home !!
Jag försöker hålla ihop ta mig igenom
Bevara lugnet andas men jag kan inte
Det är för mycket att bära för tungt för mycket
Det finns inget som kan stoppa den oro den ångesten
Den känslan av att vara maktlös
Att vara utanför tvingas att se på hur ens eget barn går sönder
Jag kan inte göra något annat en att försöka vara stark och ta mig igenom detta helvete
Stupidity and ignorance
Broken dreams a broken home
Seperatin and destruction
Anxiety and fear, isolation and pain
A verdict a decision a lifetime ruined !!
Nightmares so real !!
I'm stuck in a dark maze!
Lost in a spiral of anxiety and fear
A darkness devours me. I sink deeper
I can not breathe my heart beats faster
A feeling of being suffocated drowning from within.
It lives and breathes inside of me! Night Terror!!
You say!!
That you can not see what is his or mine
Your ignorance and knowledge shines through
If you only took the time to learn something
Your lack of acceptance scares me
We are two of a kind !! We are Autism
And if you knew anything about it, you would understand
That this is not a behavioral problem, not a lack of motivation
No lack of parenting
So do not say that you can not see who is what or what is what
It's all the same and its name is Autism
3 against 1 !!
Word against word
And a voiceless child Who is not heard
It's just, he said she said
Constantly misleading information
Bad choices and no communication
A failure from beginning to end
The voice that is not heard is the innocent child's
The voiceless autistic little boy who will never be heard
One word !!
So cold so hurtful so devastating
There is nothing more degrading
Nothing more offensive and destructive
The physical and mental humiliation
Bruises disappear, wounds heals But words are forever !!
You have the power
Everything is in your hands
Only you can make a difference
It's not too late to save this disaster
Look in through the cracks read between the lines
Open your eyes and see the lies
Do not look back !! there is nothing there to see
Make a choice, do it right !!
How much is enough?
How far can you push someone
Before something inside breaks
How much anxiety and fear is required
How much pain and suffering is needed
How much suffering is enough for you
How far should this have to go? How much is enough for you ?
One year !!
Emptiness, loneliness and loss
Everything has collapsed and fallen apart.
There is no structure No order
Nothing works nothing helps.
Thoughts feelings panic and anxiety
A feeling of hopelessness and despair
A growing fear. a lost year
A year outside the room where the light died out!
Is it really that hard?
It's so clear so obvious
You made a mistake a misjudgment
You refuse to acknowledge or change your decision
You had to escalate everything, make everything worse
Don't do this, don't continue to harm an innocent child
Is it really that hard to see what this is doing to him
It's so clear and obvious that nothing's okay with him
Why do you continue to expose him to anxiety and fear?
Why are you doing this to him? Why do you continue to hurt an innocent child?
An abuse committed by you !!
Became his downfall, the trigger
You did everything wrong from the start
You pushed him over the edge
Thanks to you!! and your ignorance
Your constant threats and exaggerated demands
You created anxiety self-harming behavior
You made him suicidal
You took an absolutely perfect, innocent autistic kid
And you destroyed everything about him. You did this to him
You gave him a life of anxiety and fear
And it all started with a physical assault
In what world is this okay?
Is it human to isolate children
Force them to live with anxiety and fear
To take their rights and lock them in
And try to change their disability
In what world is it okay to treat someone like this?
He is not a disease !! He's Autistisc
He's just an innocent child !!
He did nothing to deserve this Hell you're exposing him to
So it's okay to judge someone for their disability
And try to change a behavior that can not be changed
Is it okay to constantly show that you are not good enough as you are
To say that what he wants is not okay or good for him
Who has the right to undermine another person's feelings?
In what world is this okay? Is this what we call humanity!!
Att vara osynlig att inte synas.
En konstanta känslan av att inget stämmer
Ett krypande obehag uppgivenheten.
Känslan av inte nå fram att inte räka till
Idiotförklarad stämplad och missbedömd
En känslan av hopplöshet som ständigt förföljer!!
I have a strange way of making things worse
Controlled by strees and anxiety No impulse control,
Fear takes over no red line, inner chaos
Words fly out, no damage control damage done
I created this mess with my mouth Now I have to pay the price !!
I always say what's on my mind !! And it's obviously not okay
To criticize their inability to see the damage they have done to him
Forced to give up!!
A year of anxiety full of pain
The room remains empty and abandoned
A dead place where a life ended
Time has frozen inside these four walls
Hell is right here inside this home
It's broken, cursed by the ghost of you
I see you in everything feel your presence
It breaks my heart that I am forced to give up
And abandon this place called home
Helpless back-tied!!
Powerless outside dumped and wasted
They have taken my rights away from me
They have silenced my voice Made me their scapegoat
Humiliated and exploited my autism against me
They slandered me just to get to him
They traumatized him with threats and coercion
They crush his world !! Pulled him away from his safe place
They took advantage of his inability to communicate
They took him away from the only home he had ever had
My hands are tied and I can do nothing to help him
A hopeless situation without comunication !!
Everything collapses!
Words echo everything is repeated
I hear the words I see his blank stare
There is nothing left no light no joy.
So closed and emotionally cold.
A frightening and dark reality an lost soul abandoned
In a place where no light reaches the darkness has taken hold.
So helpless isolated, devoured by fear
Everything has collapsed around him, his world is gone
Morgon Igen!!
Jag sover mindre och mindre.
Jag biter i hop. Slår sparkar misshandlar mitt inre jag.
Försöker på alla set att inte visa inte reagera.
Känner mig som Jokern ett falskt leende ett falskt skratt.
Inuti går jag sönder mina tankar bilderna jag ser alla minnen alla år.
Jag minns den lilla busen han en gång var. Jag minns alla skratt.
Jag minns all vilda upptåg. Jag minns den glada lilla Loke
Som älskade allt och alla. Jag mins orden sommaren föra allt rasade.
När han och jag dansade och sjungande på väg till skolan.
Dom orden så vackra och under bara. Önskar inget annat en att dom orden blivit sanna.
Önskar att tiden kunde ha stannat där och då, Innan allt gick åt helvete.
Dom orden så tydliga så ärliga så varma. Min ängel min räddare min frälsare.
You might think it's easy
But after all these years
I still do not understand why
I am not capable of dealing with anxiety and stress
Why I don't feel comfortable around people
Why it is so difficult to communicate
Everything is so clear in my head
But the words keep slipping on my tongue
And talking leads nowhere when cominication always fails
When the words are misinterpreted, what is said is perceived in a completely different way
And because of all this, my son had to pay the price
The failure of communication understanding and acceptance
And all the lack of knowledge about autism spectrum disorder
There is nothing ahead
No easy solution, no way back
It's just here and now
Exactly where you do not want to be
Isolated and parnoid by your own fear
There's a dark cold prison cell inside your head
Is it not obvious?
That it is not the right place
At this point, it's too late the damage is done
The wounds are too deep, they will not heal
He will not speak he will not say a word
He will continue to suffer in silence
And this is what you call a safe place for him
It's so obvious that this is a failure
That this is not the right way
You don't help him in any way, you inhibit his development
Acknowledge your failure and create change before it's too late
Everything is in your hands a life is at stake
Never really knew why
I never felt a sense of belonging
I felt trapped inside myself
Misplaced misunderstood
Tried to customize copy others' behavior patterns
The way they thought, how they reacted
I studied every detail, every pattern in their strange behavior
I gave up my own identity to become a copy of everyone else
And I really never knew why !! I needed to be someone else to be accepted
My anxiety has a friend
His name is Panic
They live, thrive inside my mind
They are always on the hunt
Searching for the next trigger
New ways to expose me to their evil ways
I have no protection, no way out
It's just me myself and i !!
With threats and unreasonable demands
A care plan so misleading and unreasonable
How do you think he should be able to do that?
You can not expect a change or improvement
By constantly feeding his anxiety and fear
You take advantage of his insecurity, his disability
You keep him under lock and key
You took an innocent child destroyed his will to live
And you still insist on refusing to see where this is heading
A life of exclusion is what you have created
A life without trust faith !! Where all hope is gone !!
A wasted life !!
Thrown away by society
I'm just a simple man
Trying to live a normal life
I have paid a high price for being me
I never understood what was wrong with me
No one explained to me about my disability
I have lived a life of misery
Thanks to their inability to see that nothing was wrong with me
They turned my autism into depression and anxiety
lesson learned!!
Trust no one
Keep your thoughts inside
Dont talk dont even speak
Nod and obey !! And pray for a better day
Do not be a fool and say what is on your mind
It will only backfire and hurt you
So Lesson Learned Don't Trust Anyone !!
It has gone too far
There is no going back
I can not turn and change anything
I'm not getting through this
I have no opportunity to free all inner anxiety
It consumes me from the inside out
I'm stuck here with the panic, the fear
I'm fighting a battle I can physically win
And it kills me to know that your suffering is mine to bear
It breaks my heart to see what this has done to you
I wish I could take all your fears all your anxiety
Make you see a streak of light in all your darkness
Allways an forever in my heart !!
To sacrifice your own life
Is An expensive pric to pay
Too stubborn too proud for your own good
I have been there!! I know where it leads
It is a long and lonely road to hike
No one is strong alone you can not fight this alone
You need someone anyone to get you through this
Don't sacrifice your own life It's not worth the price you have to pay
A mistake does not make it right !!
Another wasted year full of anxiety and distress
This leads nowhere no improvement no change
Empty word contributions that do more harm than good
Placed in a home without help Your care plan is a joke
It's been a year and you have not even started anything yet
How can you say you care about him and his well-being?
When you think it's okay to live with constant anxiety and fear
And you allow them to do nothing about it
Nothing about this is okay and letting an innocent child suffer in silence
Is just completely sick!!
Contributions from social services ruins lives and destroys families
Can I win against a bullet
Can I run away from danger?
Can I hide to avoid what is coming
Can I continue to fool myself
And believe that everything will be fine in the end
I can not save you there is nothing I can do
The damage has already been done
There is no easy way out, No escape!!
Am I the problem here
Is all because of me
The guilt, the shame the anxiety
You put everything on me
I'm not perfect I'm just a man
I did the best I could and I gave everything
I sacrificed my inner peace to open up and let you in
You saw the inner streesn, the anxiety but never me
You used it against me and took everything away from me
I'm not like you and you are not like me
So don't judge me for my disability
I'm really not the problem here !!
Hello my only friend
So you're back in my head again
Why are you here? What do you want from me?
I have nothing more to give. You've already taken everything
Leave me be and set me free !!
Your sick control over me is killing me!!
What I need is not this
I need peace !! A quiet and peaceful place
To rest my head my soul and my mind
I need an end to everything a beginning something
I can not stay here in this infected place
The silence the empty cold room the shadows, the memories
This haunted home is killing me !!
I hate what I've become !!
Weak vulnerable and hypersensitive
I'm so far away from anything normal
My anxiety is always lurking around the corner
I'm in a state of constant panic
I live in fear of the unexpected
I question my own identity, my own reality
This is not me !! This is not who I used to be
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