All too real!!

Is this heaven or hell

Is it life or death

I'm Trapped here in a vacuum

Stuck in the middle

I can't go out, I can't stay in

I'm caught here in the middle

And fear is all too real

You created this hell

All the Walls you built around you

The dark prison cell inside your head

It's just you

Your fear of your anxiety

You're the one who always runs away

The one who keeps everything inside

It's just, you no one else

You created this hell

There is nowhere to run to, nowhere to hide

That's me!

I am dirty!

I am nothing, worthless

A garbage man

A freak of nature

Humiliated, exploited

Hated and unwanted

Physically and mentally broken

The dirty, disgusting creep

That's me!

Nothing works anymore

A constant fog

I can't sleep can't rest

My brain is an endless riot

it drains me, suffocates me

I get no sleep no rest

It has taken my will my strength

I am empty, completely drained

I am weak, powerless and nothing works anymore

No fuel left !!

So tired

Even the smallest things drain me

I can't get over it I can't walk around

My body shakes, my head hurts

Balance is completely out of whack

Can't walk in a straight line

Blurry vision heavy breathing

There is no fuel left in me

Me myself and i

Trapped in myself!!

Locked between four walls

Sound emotions fear and anxiety

Darkness, tears and screams

I don't want to wake up and see the light of day.

Don't want to feel, don't want to think

It's just me being myself !!

I'm falling!!

I struggle in silence

Fighting to survive

So close!!

But still unreachable

I never reach the starting point

There is always something there

That keeps me from healing

I'm falling!! deeper down the rabbit hole

A terrifying place filled with anxiety and fear

The struggle within always wines!!

Crash and burn!!

Heading for disaster.

My brain is like a runaway train.

No emergency brake no stop.

It's getting closer, seconds away

I'm ready to crash and burn again

My soul is wounded!!

Hitting myself burning myself.

Just to feel something else

There is no joy, no longing, just emptiness

I don't want to feel like this

I don't want to think

I don't want to live and I don't want to die.

I just don't know how to survive in this life

Inside me!!

The struggle to survive

Is all that's left

I can't fight it anymore

I just want to be free

From the Fear that grows inside me

Every second every minute

Is it all a dream!

Am I awake or am I sleeping!

Voices screaming in my head

Images that flash before my eyes

Thoughts, feelings daydreams nightmares

Pain, anxiety and fear

Every second every minute

An eternal nightmare that never ends.

Sick of it all!!

To realize!

Understand and accept

That this is forever

Nothing just emptiness, loneliness

A constant struggle for a dignified life

Everything is torn apart

Life is a mess, I'm a wreck

I'm worn out, so tired, so sick of it all

No trust no hope!!

I learned too early

That silence is golden

To keep everything within

Show no emotion no fear

Don't cry don't scream!!

Don't pray and wish for a better day

There is no savior no guiding light

No one to talk to, nowhere to run

No trust no hope no way out

A one-way ticket straight to hell

A lifetime of silence, anxiety and fear

This is my life

No life!

No solution no way out!!

Stress constant anxiety

I see no solution to this mental hell

I'm tired, mentally broken

I have no life, no will, no energy

I'm broken beaten

I have struggled with depression my whole life

it has taken the best of me

There is no solution no way out

This is my life

I'm still stuck here!!

A sick and twisted picture of reality!

I was just a kid!!

I never understood! that there was something else.

A lifetime of abuse violence and fear

No safe place! Nowhere to escape

I'm still stuck here in the same place

The curse of being me!

Broken again!

I don't live in the present I live in the past

There is no beginning, no end 

It is a dark path without light

So wherever I go wherever I run!

I will never be able to escape

The curse of being me!

I'm just a man!!

Stuck in a pattern

Addicted to my own demons.

A life without living

Two steps forward!!

Time to clean out the closet.

Let go of the darkness let the light in

The warmth, the love. No more tears no more fear

I've been dead and lost for so many years.

I am not strong not even survivor

I'm just a man trying to survive in a world so cold

Always thought I was strong. but I am weak and alone

It all ends here where it all began

Never again two steps forward!!

Depression

The hell that lives inside my head

There is no way around it

I can't fight it

I can't run I can't escape

Over and over again

I fight my way through this hell

Just to survive another day

Depression destroys!!

Forever!!

All those wasted years

The constant fear my will to live

No security no joy No dreams no hope

You took everything, left nothing

Ruined my future, kicked me out

I was trying to survive in a world I didn't understand

My only friend became a bottle

I drowned myself in alcohol just to forget

All those wasted years living in fear

Has ruined me forever

WHY?

The darkness, the silence, the loneliness.

I have walk in the shadows

I have crumbled fallen tripped.

Cheated death so many times.

A life not worth living.

So why did you catch me

Why did you save me?

Our little secret!!

No one knows the dark secret.

No one knows the truth!!

One Two Three this is our little secret.

Our dark safe place!

I will exploit and degrade your soul forever.

You will see me feel myself in everything and everyone,

I will be in your closet under your bed and in your head!

One two Three! We will play this game over and over again

Hello, my name is anxiety!

 I'm the one in control.

I am the one who abuses and destroys

I'm the one making you scream

I am the shadow, the darkness

I am the fear that isolates you.

I'm the one who devours you!

I'm the monster under your bed in the closet in your head

I am your worst nightmare!

I'm a suicide hero! And my name is anxiety.

I am my own worst enemy!!

Terrified confused.

A constant combination of fear and anxiety.

No sleep no rest

Bleeding eyes aching body

A life of fear and anxiety

Flashbacks and nightmares

A daily suffering of memories from yesterday

I am my own worst enemy!!

You can see it from here!!

This is hell and you can see it from here!

There is no heaven no angels no savior.

Nothing you say, nothing you do can change that.

So judge me. Throw me to the wolves sacrifice me.

Make me suffer torment me

Leave me bleeding and hurt like you always do

This is hell and you can see it from here!!

Who said nightmares can't come true?

Ready to escape.

Stretched to breaking point.

Every sound every movement

So scary and real.

So hard and brutal

Every time I hear sound

Panic strikes; fear takes over

No shelter nowhere to run

Caught in a nightmare constant readiness!

Like a parasite in my mind, it eats me alive

I can't find a way out!!

My future is my past!

Never got a chance to live without fear

It is always present always there

Beneath the surface it haunts me

I'm stuck in the nightmare locked in the closet

My eyes are bleeding my body is shaking

I can't find a way out, I'm stuck here in my past

Life

The joy of life

Waking up with a smile

Breath in, breath out

The calm of the morning sun

the dream that I will never achieve

Is the joy of living a normal life