Inside my mind

What am I supposed to be

How am I supposed to feel

Am I a friend or just a project

I don't understand what this is supposed to be

I feel something I don't want to feel

I'm afraid my mind is playing tricks on me

I don't know if it's true or just a fantasy

So what am I supposed to tell you

I can't read between the lines I don't know how

Something inside just doesn't feel right

So I close the door and leave it behind

Another trap inside my mind

Time!!

Time is not on my side

I can't change the past

There is no right or wrong

No magic savior or god

I lost my faith all hope is gone

I am tired and alone broken by life

I see sorrow everywhere broken people broken homes

A world so cold so threatening and brutal

What happened to humanity what went so wrong

We live in a world where no one belongs

And time is not on our side

Back home!!

I want to find a way back home

To the safe place that feels like home

A place where no one can hurt me.

A place where I am free to live and let go

I want to open my eyes and be able to breathe

To feel joy and be able to smile

To see a future and a way forward in life

I just wish someone would tell me that this nightmare is over

This is my life and I never really wanted it

And I know that I will never find my way back home

The one

Another step in the wrong direction

Counting down the inevitable

Here today and I pray for a tomorrow

I hope you get to see the sun rise just one more time

You are my friend my only comfort

I know you are old and tired you were the one who had a life

I know it's time to say goodbye

But my love for you will never die

Ghost

How do you enjoy the silence when the noises are too loud

How do you feel joy when sorrow is all you know

How can you feel love when hate is all you've seen

How can you move forward when you're stuck in the past

The circle is closed and I'm just a ghost 

I can't find my way out !

They say when you hit rock bottom

Things can only get better

But I'm starting to wonder if there's even a bottom

I keep falling further and further

It feels like a bottomless pit

I'm stuck in this endless loop and I can't find my way out

I'm lost in here in my own mind!

Another day !

I don't know So don't ask

I'm so tired physically and mentally exhausted

This back and forth is tearing me apart

I hear the words and they all sound the same

The voices in my head just won't go away

So don't ask how I feel today

But tomorrow might be a better day

So just stay away for another day

Too broken to be fixed!!

Sometimes reality is too real

I know you mean well

I know what you're trying to do

But you're not helping

If you could only see inside me

My heart is still beating and I'm breathing

But I'm dead inside so broken and scared

You can't fix me or heal me

Not even your god can save me from what I've become

And reality is I'm too broken to be fixed

Afraid !

Always looking for the easy way out

I don't want to live I don't want to die

So afraid to live this so-called life

So afraid to lose this fight inside my own mind

Afraid to live afraid to die

I can't go out I can't stay inside

There's really nowhere to run and hide

It's just me and my own mind

Not meant to be!

I guess it's not meant to be

No me, no you

We're two ghosts sharing the same space

Lost in time lost in our own minds

Alone but never alone you're there behind the door

So close but still miles away I can't reach you

I don't know how to go on

I don't know what to say or do

I can't save you I can't save myself

We're lost here in a broken home

Anxiety and fear are all we know

I guess this life was never meant to be

Run!!

All my instincts tell me to run

To hide, to disappear, To escape from it all

I hate feeling like this! the constant fear, the anxiety

The fear of losing something I don't even have

It's been 15 years trapped in this nightmare

Isolation, self-destruction, there's really nothing left inside me

I lost my faith and now everything else is gone

I don't want to fight!!

I don't want to talk about it anymore

I'm so tired of excuses and broken promises

All I hear are empty words and lies

I'm too tired to cry and I don't want to fight tonight

So I promise myself never again

And I really don't want to talk about anything anymore

Something is wrong!

No appetite

Can't eat can't sleep

Pain is all I feel every nerve aches

Something is very wrong inside me

It hurts the pain is unbearable

It takes all the strength I have left

I'm weak beaten and broken

I need relief I need it more than ever

But I can't eat I can't sleep

My appetite is dead and so am I

Despair

I'm not strong-headed

I'm not even present

I have no faith no will

I lost myself in a sea of ​​madness

And all I see is fear and sorrow

And I'm drowning in my own despair

A reminder of reality

I'm not afraid of the dark

Nightmares don't scare me

I don't even give a damn about the night terrors

It's the daydreams that terrify me

The constant reminder of the reality

Anxiety, fear always ready for the next one

I can't control my own emotions

When they strike, they strike hard

And I'm right back to where it all began

To relive all the nightmares all over again

Survive live or die

It's always one, two, three

Three choices, three options

Survive live or die

I got sick of constantly running away from everything

The endless struggle made no sense to me

So I just froze and gave up on everything

I know you're wrong!

You might be right!

But deep in my heart I know you're not

What you see is just another side of me

You call it creativity and see it as a good thing

But for me it's a different matter

It's the manic part that's inside me

And there is nothing good or positive about it

 So you might be right but I know you're wrong

The void !

Therapy was never good for me

Pills and meds never worked for me

Self medication took the best out of me

I became my own worst enemy

A hollow shell of a broken man

Nothing really worked for me

So I just gave up on everything

Left it all behind and vanished Into the void of my own mind

I became a ghost and there is really nothing left of me!

Nothing new to me

Yes I know I really do!

There is nothing new you can do to me

You can't change what's inside me

Meaningless promises, little white lies, they're all the same to me

So what you do to me is nothing new to me

Enigma ?

Doubts are clouded in my head

Second thoughts, disturbing feelings

What am I who am I?

Do you even care about me?

I really don't know how I'm supposed to feel

So who are you, what are you are you really my friend?

I doubt it! but that's just me

Guess I'll never know you're just an enigma to me