Tied up and gagged!

9 years old tied up and gagged i can't see i can't breathe. In a toilet in my own home. Sexually abused raped! Not the first time, not the last time. This is where the endless journey through life begins. No one to talk to no one who understands. I want to disappear get away from everything and everyone. A childhood of  mentally exploit, rape and violence. I remember how as a child I lay under a bush with a knife in my hand. My mother bloody and abused i hear the screams. hear the words I will kill you! The monster is real. I remember going into the kitchen.There he is lying bloody on the floor. Foam and blood pulsate from his mouth. I see the blood flowing from his ears. Images that never disappear. Dot cry over me! I fight every day to survive this never ending nightmare.

Why do tears never end?

What once was is no longer here.

I sit alone and think. The more I think, the further I come from everything. 

Here I sit alone with tears in my throat. I cry over a time that no longer exists  . 

What once was is just a faded memory of a life that collapsed. 

So why am I still crying. Why do tears never end?