I continue to do this to myself

Neither outside nor inside

I'm not safe

I can't trust my own instincts

I keep telling myself I'm not afraid

But I'm scared to death

There is always something there

A sound, a smell, a shadow, whispering voices

It's all so real in my head

I know that reality hurts and I'm afraid of myself

Afraid of losing control, afraid of letting go

So I lock myself up and suffer in silence

I repeat this goddamn pattern over and over again

I force myself to relive every nightmare, every drama

And I continue to do this to myself just to survive another day