Trust issues!!

I have so much to say

But I can't find the words

Why is it so difficult

To express the simplest of words

I am afraid, lost in my own fear

I'm not okay I'm broken and alone

And I still can't find the simplest word

Is it shame or fear that stops me

Or years of neglect, abuse and abandonment

It's hard to trust anyone anymore

The fear of being hurt, betrayed and abandoned

Trust issues are slowly killing me!!

I know it's not real

I don't know if I've ever felt true love

Or if it's just an illusion created by my own mind

I can't see the difference between kindness and real feelings

So I fool myself just to feel it

I am Lost in my own vulnerability

I can see or think clearly

My brain is playing tricks on me

I know it's not real but I need to feel it