I can't find a way out

I never processed anything

I just swallowed it all and shut down

I stepped straight into the dark safety of a closet

I buried it all so deep inside me

I continued to hold onto things that I couldn't process

I struggled with my own feelings and emotions

So confused so lost inside my own mind

So afraid to show fears, emotions anything at all

No one to talk to, nowhere to escape, no safe place

No one there to save me from this hell! this so-called home

I lost everything in a closet I hid everything so deep

And now I can't find a way out any more

I can't let anyone get close to me

Screaming with fear!

Have you ever woken up?

So terrified paralyzed with fear

While someone is taking advantage of you

Using you like a broken doll

Up up and down in and out

Rapes my mind raps my soul

Stole my innocence my purity

I'm dirty I'm disgusting I'm worthless

The scent refuses to go away I can't scrub it off

It's still there crawling in my head

The shame, the hate, the anger So why do I still blame myself

I deserve so much more than this

But so many parts of me are broken so damaged

I can't be fixed, I'll never be whole again

I can't let anyone get close to me! I can't let anyone in