I was just a kid! who did not understand.
A sick and distorted picture of reality!
Where love and hate were intertwined
Just like tenderness, anger and jealousy.
Where they solved problems with screams, physical and mental abuse
A life journey full of abuse and violence
No safe place! No security nowhere to escape
I never understood! that there was something else.
I learned even before I could crawl
That the world was a dark and scary place.
They say!
That you prepare! build an image
Looking for the easiest way out. The fastest way to go
They say you can control your emotions, your thoughts.
They say it's just stuck to the inside of your head. That it takes time, it heals
They say that no one just does it without warning! NO ONE!
What the hell do they know about how it feels!
What do they know about the inner wounds, the emotions.
It's not just in the head it's all over the place and it's real
the suffering, the pain is always there! The anxiety, the panic does not go away.
There is no easy way! No beautiful picture just a way out
And when it happens, it happens! There is no time to think or react.
There is only the fastest way out!
You can not cure me!
You can not change reprogramming or control
You can not change who I am. I'm no machine, no robot
I have feelings I have thoughts. I am a living being
So try to understand! do not try to medicate what cannot be cured. Let me just live let me be who I am. Do not try to change me!
Try to understand that I am not a disease that can be fixed with a fucking pill
Autism cannot be cured and it is not a disease.
Who is that staring at me Blood red eyes a soulless smile so familiar!! So twisted and tormented I see the fear, the scars, the smell of dec...
