They are still here, they always come back !!

A child without hope joy and security.

So many years a struggle to survive.

A lifetime reflected off anxiety and fear !!

A constant longing to get away from it all

Damaged from the start, used up and broken

I Shut down I ceased to exist I became nothing

I escaped from reality created my own safe place

A place where no one could touch me or hurt me again

I was afraid of my own feelings afraid of being hurt !!

I just wanted to get away from the demons outside

Deep down in the depths of my own mind !! I locked myself in

I can not escape I can not hide. I'm still stuck inside my mind

They are still here, they always come back !!

I need everything !!

I need a ticket to nowhere !!

I need someone something a way out

I need fuel I need energy. I need a light in my darkness.

I need a shoulder to rest my head against.

Someone who can catch me when I fall.

I need a leading hand someone to guide me

Someone who can make me feel safe and loved again

I need security I need support I need a helping hand

I need everything !! I'm so lost so scared so vulnerable!

I hold my breath and pray!!

Razor blade in my throat!

Nails in my head, a thousand needles through my body.

Shaking, tingling a constant ache.

Knocked out paralyzed! Bleeding eyes open wounds!

Physically exhausted broken down 

Scared and weak down on my knees

I hold my breath and pray for the pain to goes away!!