It doesn't matter where I am or where I'm going
i'm still lost in survival mode frozen in time
I can't out run myself I can't escape my own past
I've tried so hard to make it all go away
But it really doesn't matter how far I run
It's hard to accept but I know it's true
The demons are alive and so are you
Who am I going to play today?
Who should I be? the man or the broken boy inside me
Should I stay or go? Or just run away like I always do
I just want to know what I'm supposed to do
I don't want this, I don't need this anymore
So what do I have to do to finally be free from you
You are me and I am you so nothing really matters anymore
The broken boy inside will always be a part of me
Trauma remains wounds never heal it's just the facts of life
So I'm just going to be me and no one else but me
Your words mean nothing
There is nothing you can say or do
You cannot change the past
Or undo everything you did to me
You hurt me humiliated me you stepped all over me
You treated me like trash and threw me away
I ended up on the streets alone and scared
No rules, no guidance, no safety net
You left me stranded, abandoned in a world I didn't understand
I was forced into something I wasn't ready for
I had to grow up real quick, literally raise myself
I ran into the fire and burned myself
I took everything I could to ease the pain
I barely survived but I'm still breathing
I'm still fighting the same old demons
The scars remains and I'm still bleeding
All you see is yourself so selfish and blind
I've told you once and twice again
Keeping your thoughts to yourself
So disrespectful no remorse so hateful
Your anger shines right through you
You never took responsibility for anything but yourself
No love no feelings so cold and emotionless
It was always about you no one else
I don't need your wicked ways anymore
So close your eyes and just walk away
Silly little me
I went and did it again
So I crack a smile and laugh it all off
It is so easy to deceive yourself
Caught up by the moment I float away
I'm taking every second I can get
I know it's not real but it's okay
I'd give my life just to feel that again
Laughing and smiling all the way
Silly little me, here we go again
How can it be so wrong to be different
How come people judge you based on your appearance
So blind and stupid they can't even see their own issius
It is so easy to throw the first punch
Point fingers, mock and humiliate
Take their dignity and crush their self esteem
Just to make yourself feel better
Your actions lead to a chain reaction
The wounds you create will last forever
We are all perfect in our own ways
So why the hell can't we just work together
And make this world a better place
Fading out
Hidden in plain sight
Locked door and thrown away key
Blocked window and hidden inside
There is dark space between us
There is no laughter no joy
It is all too real this is our reality
Imprisoned by our own fear
I don't know what to say or do, I'm lost
I can't erase your pain I can't even reach you
You continue to suffer in silence
And it hurts like hell to see you like this
There is nothing more painful than seeing your own child fall a part
Ill will, obsession
Bad desires dream of disaster
I see things I don't want to see
I feel things I don't want to feel
Bad thoughts are running wild
I need a fix and I need it now!
Say hello to heaven
Because it's hell down here without you
I can still see you when I close my eyes
I've cried and screamed a million times
I have kept everything inside I drowned myself in sorrow
I couldn't deal with the emotions, life or anything at all
I tried to end it all for just a second of despair
I made a deal with the devil I crashed and burned
Suicide became my best friend
A lifetime of depression, anxiety and fear
An overdose of reality So please say hello to heaven from me
Enough will never be enough for me
I pushed myself so hard beyond all limits
That I literally crushed myself
I broke myself into a million pieces
I could never accept the fact that no one is that strong
I tried to save everyone but myself
I did more than what I physically could
Now I have to suffer the consequences
I'm burnt out faded and broken I destroyed myself
But still enough is not enough for me
Change is a scary thing
I don't even feel comfortable in my own skin
It itches it crawls it creeps inside
My mind keeps playing tricks on me
I try to focus and silence the noise
But the stress levels are out of control
Anxiety is knocking on my door
I'm stepping out of my safety zone
Trying to gain some kind of control
I'm freaking out but that's okay
I can see it but I can't touch it
It's so close yet so far away
I try to reach out but I trip and fall
So insecure about my own feelings
I try to keep them all inside
I fake a smile and laugh it all off
I am ashamed of my own feelings
It feels so right but still so wrong
What a joke but I'm not laughing
Tear filled eyes raging anger
I'm a so-called freak, I'm ashamed of myself
Pain runs straight through my veins
Madness is my middle name
I lost my faith my trust is gone
Shame and fear is all I see
I can't hide from myself and disappear
The pain of life is right here
Searching for something you will never find
What is lost is gone forever
And time will not heal these wounds
I'm shattered and broken too damaged to fix
It runs too deep, the scars remain, the trauma is all too real
You can't fix me no one can and no one will
Life on a tightrope so thin and vulnerable
I'm walking on a minefield not ready for the next step
So afraid of what's lurking around the corner
It is like a labyrinth filled with anxiety and fear
I can't breathe and I can't see straight
So lost in my head I'm stuck here in this place
it's a death race inside my head
And I can't even face the day today
Why?
A simple question
No life no rection
Simple tasks that create a chain reaction
So hard to swallow and understand
I see your pain and all your sorrow
I know life is a mess and I can't change it
It breaks my heart to see you like this
I wish I could give you something more than this
But life is not an easy task
And I'm not strong enough to do it all alone
You have to try to make it out so we can live a better life
Please don't give up the fight
I need you by my side so we can make it right
Just live to die another night!
I don't need the voices in my head
I'm a damn disappointment to myself
I'm already dead in my head the damage is done and I can't turn back
So stop nagging and bitching about it
I don't need your sick opinions
I just need a little silence, no more fear, no more violence
Everything has its beginning
I can't really put my finger on when it all started
I have been afraid most of my life
I've never really had anyone on my side
No real friends just acquaintances
I was too afraid to let anyone get too close
So I created a self-destructive pattern the easy way out
I left everything and everyone behind as I always do
I became my own worst enemy my fear consumed me
So worthless so useless so god damn wasted
It's so easy to avoid the things you really need
To hide away and disappear!!
I'm lost in my own feelings I'm still terrified still afraid of being abandoned
I can't escape from my own fate
Blood red eyes a soulless smile so familiar!!
So twisted and tormented
I see the fear, the scars, the smell of decay suffocates me
I can't hide, I can't disappear
What I see is the real me!!
The reflection in the mirror is all too real
What the hell happened to me?
Trigger, trigger go away
Leave me alone for just one day
Stop making a mess inside my head
I am a slave to your abusive weigh!
You hit so hard you knock me down
You keep pushing me way too far
Your dragging me down into the underground
I'm so lost inside my own mind
So trigger, trigger please stay out of my head
I'm looking for answers I just can't find
I've been searching my whole damn life
The rearview mirror is the only thing I know
Fading memories lies and betrayal cast out and thrown away
I wish I could find a better way to make it all go away
But everything is in my head just a thought away
Trying to find peace
Trying to live day by day
But I'm so fucking sick of everything
I'm so sick of living like this
Same damn thing every day
No change no improvement
Nothing moves forward, it's always the same
Same crap day in and day out
I'm so fucking tired! of living like this
I want out I need a change I need a life
I need to break free from this hell inside me
I need someone to save me from myself
This so-called home is a broken place
No laughter no joy so anxiety filled
No light no hope all is gone
So sick of myself so sick of this life
This is hell and I don't want to live here anymore
God left us all to die alone!!
The fear of falling!
I don't want to go back
I refuse to face my demons
I don't want this but I can't end it
They are right here right now
I don't want to fall back
But I can't move forward I'm still stuck here in my past
The demons are present, they are always here
This is no joke no game.
This is my life my reality
I have said everything but still nothing
I've done it all I've been to hell and back
I don't need anything! no one not even myself
I need everything everyone but myself
I have opened everything up and closed it down again
I never learn. No tools, no patience.
Constantly on the verge of a nervous breakdown
Restless anxiety filled rushing through life,
There's a Panic inside my head
And my mind is running wild
No control no brakes! And i'm about to break
This is no joke no game!
It would be nice
To have a single thought
Just one day without this eternal noise
No sounds no voices just complete silence
Just one day to breathe it all out
But I can't breathe I can't turn it off
It's an endless riot in my head
It is so insignificant so meaningless
There is no future no hope
Am weak am afraid fear is consuming me
I guess I've passed the point of no return
I can't go back I can't go forward!
I can't really see any solution to my confusion
My mind is always playing tricks on me
I close my eyes and hope for a better day
I'm on the floor in a million pieces!
A broken puzzle shattered and broken,
I see dark silhouettes fragments of my life.
A million variations a million faces.
I see everything I experience everything
This is no dream no fantasy no illusion!
A life a journey through hell and back.
Constantly hunted constantly on the run.
Every instinct, every nerve on full alert
The reptilian brain takes over again
Analyzing and overthinking
I can't stop my own brain
It drains me, it steals my energy
A million thoughts a million feelings
I can't handle it, I can't take it
I lose focus no control my senses go into overdrive
I can't stop it! there is nowhere to hide
All is not as it seems
There's always something beneath the surface
Small cracks, internal damage and invisible flaws
It's the little things you can't see
Those dark broken pieces deep inside me
It hurts to know that life has passed me by
I'm a sad excuse for a human being
What I need and what I want
Are two completely different things
They continue to fight each other
My body is telling me one thing
But my mind is a completely different story
It's like an eternal war that never ends
It's draining me, emptying me, I'm so tired
I get no rest, no piece of mind!
My batteries are dead, my engine is overheated
I can't refill, or reboot
Triggers everywhere!!
I can't fuckin out run them
They hit so hard they come out of nowhere
I am so mad at myself so disappointed
Why the hell is it so hard to defeat those demons
Why am I so afraid?
It's always one step forward and two steps back
Anxiety always seems to get the best of me
There is no rest no progress !!
Wear and tear
Hide and disguise
Keep it all inside
Don't talk don't even breathe
Fear will consume you, eat you alive
It will take over it will crush you
It will knock you down
There are no easy ways out
You have to understand that life is insane
So see through the cracks and open your eyes
The world is a fucked up place and so am I
Words were spoken, fingers were pointed
I lost all faith, all trust was broken
They put a gun to my head and pulled the fucking trigger
They crushed me, took everything from me
They left me bleeding suicidal and screaming
The only friend left was the bottle in my hand
Abandoned by life I gave in I gave up
And I lost my own life to the devil within
Everything that surrounds me scares me
I'm afraid to let go afraid to let in
My mind is running wild
I'm drowning in my own tears
I can't breathe my eyes are bleeding
I've seen this movie a million times before
And there is no happy ending here
Everything that scares me
Are such simple and obvious things
I'm afraid to live afraid to feel
I shut everything out, isolate myself, hurt myself
I scream, I cry, I bleed, I bang my head against the wall
So angry so disappointed in myself
I hate everything I have become
I am weak, lost, so exhausted, no energy, no will
So how the hell did I end up here?
I wish I could find a place deep inside myself
Where I can I feel safe and secure no anxiety no fear
Where I can pick up all the broken pieces
Restart from ground zero build a new foundation
Create a life with meaning and forget the physical and mental abuse
I just want to be free and live my life without fear and anxiety
Me against myself
I fight I break I beat myself up
My head is a mess
I'm a nervous wreck
It is an eternal struggle
I'm trying to fight to beat it
But this war inside my head is slowly killing me
It's just me against myself all over again
Like a broken record, everything repeats itself over and over again
I ran from the violence
Into deathly silence
I choked on my own fear
I stopped breathing and hid in the dark
I locked myself in, closed all the doors
And now I can't find my way out
I'm lost inside my own fear
I am so emotionally damaged
I'm broken inside wounded by life
Afraid to live afraid to die
Who is that staring at me Blood red eyes a soulless smile so familiar!! So twisted and tormented I see the fear, the scars, the smell of dec...
