Too many memories too many wounds!!

I do not know how. Can't let go.

So afraid it's going to take my life

Fear that the emotions, the memories, all wounds all anxiety

Fear that I will not have the strength to fight against My own longing for death.

Every day has become an inner struggle to survive and take me through the day.

A constant war that never stops never ends.

An emotional chaos where flashbacks only get worse and worse.

I see shadows I hear sounds I can not focus or controlI

It consumes me it has taken over taken hold of my life.

I walk on a thin red line ready to burst so be afraid this is the end

Too many memories too many wounds that never heal

It is stuck to deep into my broken soul. Stuck in a life I do not want to live

Where you see the light, I only see darkness!!

 What you do not see is what you do not understand.

Blinded by your own feelings and experiences.

Your life your experiences. So do not say you understand.

You have not wandered around on the inside you have not been stuck in the dark.

You have not struggled with the fear anxiety.

The constant longing to just disappear leaves everything.

So do not say you understand! How it feels not to want to live.

Do not even try to understand something you will never understand.

Because where you see the light, I only see darkness.

I'm not even close to normal!

I'm not even close

So far away from feeling good

I see no change no opportunity

I fell too much can not sort

My feelings tear me apart

My mind explodes into an emotional chaos

I'm not even close to a normal life

I want to shut down disconnect my life

I dont want this I just want an end

But I'm not even close to normal!