It has become impossible for me to open up!!

When one thought leads to another

When a chain reaction triggers everything

Everything comes back at once, all emotions, all memories

An explosion of flashbacks where everything is repeated again

Too much too fast !! I do not even have time for my own feelings

I just want to scream, cry let go of everything !! but I can not

It's been a part of me for far too long

But I had to shut down all emotions to survive

That it has become impossible for me to open up

As soon as someone approaches get too close

I shut down the switch and become the person I created

All just to avoid the fear of not being able to deal with everything that bubbles under the surface

So scared of the last piece of the puzzle that is the only thing that can make the nightmares end

I was mentally damaged and broken from the start!!

The legacy of madness and a broken home

I grew up in a home infected with sickness

Behind locked doors hidden in the shadows.

The physical and mental abuse, the nightmares

I grew up in a madhouse with fear and anxiety.

I was born into a life infected with mental illness.

I was mentally damaged and broken from the start.

It has been a lifetime of shame!!

To constantly feel that you do not fit in anywhere

To always copy and adapt to others to blend in

Reduce one's own self to become invisible and disappear into the crowd

The feeling of sacrificing one's own identited and personality Just to fit in

To live a life behind a mask a character a copy of others

To constantly try to hide and control my own identity

To always lock in all emotions all thoughts just to be normal

To live a charade play a game you do not want to play

It scares me how it's never been okay to be me

It scares me to realize how much damage my childhood has done

And how it has affected my whole life I lost myself my identited all trust,

In some sick way, the shame is so deep that I still says I'm sorry because I'm me

It has been a lifetime of shame that never ends