The choice is simply time to sacrifice myself again!!

I need something!

I do not have time to give myself a minute to stop. I have to think!

So give me an hour a month a year. Wishful thinking there is no time there is no stop.

Everything slips out of my hands. I lose my grip I lose control of my emotions

split and divided into 2. Two ways two lives so little time!

On with the mask again !! Try to shut down all emotions and thoughts

Put me in the back seat bow and pray. Play a game I do not want to play.

For one of us must survive! I must be able to fight for my son's right to a normal life

So the choice is simply time to sacrifice myself again. Here we go again!

Open your eyes and see what it really is before it's too late!!

All I hear you say are empty words!

you do not even see the difference between lack of motivation and mental suffering

I asked why it was just a meeting with the psychologist !!

No one can make an assessment based on a single meeting

Something that everyone should know and understand

I still hear the echo of your words they are not accepting people right now

They have shut down due to corona. That you have tried in every way

Just empty fucking words !! All it took for me was a single phone call

To find out that it has never been a problem to have contact with a psychologist.

He could have gotten help a long time ago if you only had the time to make a single call

But it is very obvious that you do not take his self-harming behavior or his mental health seriously

That you close your eyes to a child who locks himself in a room

Urinates in bottles and cuts himself who has completely stopped taking care of his hygiene

But worst of all is to hear you say that if you saw that his condition worsened, you would do something about it.

So open your fucking eyes and see what it really is before it's too late

Half a year of eternal nightmares that never end!

Half a year has passed!

A painful process. A worry that never lets go a constant anxiety and inner fear

Thoughts and feelings that never subside. So many ?

No answers just an icy silence. So unbearably painful not to know. 

Not being a part of everything !! Not being able to be there for him

The feeling of hopelessness a lost battle. A lack of trust and faith. 

The screams have silence the echoes have subsided but the shadows remain

I still hear him scream for help I still see him here

The pain and the fear the panic and the anxiety! Constantly lying there bubbling beneath the surface.

Where every breath every movement every sound. Can trigger a chain reaction.

An emotional explosion that hits so hard and brutally.

Where everything comes at once a million thoughts a million emotions.

Cannot filter or process. Just chaos and more chaos!

A surge of emotions all at once.

Half a year of eternal nightmares that never end!