Me MySeLf AnD I

lördag 28 november 2020

Wake me up!

I am paralyzed terrified!! I am afraid to go to sleep!

The sky is falling the ground is opening up!!

A shallow grave a burning coffin

Buried alive trapped under the surface

Drowning in my own tears. Alone in the dark

The air runs out. My last breath is here!

Night terrors have taken over again No more sleep!

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray thee, Lord, my soul to keep; If I should die before I wake, I pray thee, Lord, my soul to take

I can not stop. I can not be still. A feeling so unreal.

So incomprehensible and frightening to switch between anxiety and stress

To never know where or when it will strike again. A constant fear and an inner anxiety,

Which can no longer be controlled or hindered. It just gets worse and harder every time it hits

The abyss only gets deeper. The periods get longer the anxiety gets stronger.

Here comes the panic and fear of the unknown again

I'm losing control. My brain takes over again !!

It hits so hard I can not breathe. I get no air I suffocate from the inside ..

The feeling of being stuck in an eternal panic attack that never ends

A feeling so unreal. so incomprehensible This is my life my reality!

I no longer know what is true.

Everyone says different things that mean nothing

Everything I hear is incomprehensible and it makes no sense att all

Everyone says how they want me to be. that I need to change my behavior and adapt

Everyone says you can if you want to. Can what change all that I am?

So lost in my thoughts. So confused So damn tired of all the words everyone's judgmental looks.

What are they trying to say what do they want what the hell do they mean.

Just a bunch of words that mean nothing, Yes I know yes I understand!

it has no significance att all !! So understand me see me !!

I'm not like you I do not work like you. I can not become something I am not

I know what's true! I know who I am and always have been. So please see the real me !!

And try to understand that what you ask of me is something that can never be

I am autistic not a disease !! So understand it is not me who needs to change and accept it is you !!