When will I ever have time to heal?

My eyes bleed my body shakes.    

They are chasing me the dreams are back.    

The shadows, fear the panic anxiety.   

The flashbacks all the emotions all the wounds!    

Over and over again year after year. 

Time a word without meaning Here time stands still !!   

Trapped in a nightmare that never ends! Tick, tick, tick this fucking ticking.   

A vicious circle so dark! A reality that no one can understand  

When will everything end! When will I get a chance to live love.    

To live a reasonably normal functioning life without anxiety and fear   

Now everything is torn apart again. same story just another fucking day    

One day left until reality shows it's disgusting stinking face again     

When will I ever have time to heal? when life does everything to crush me!   

One day left tick, tick! That fucking ticking inside my head never ends!!

Dear Mother!!

Go away!

Do not turn around!! Don't  look back !! Just go go! 

Don't look me in the eyes!! Don't even speak 

Just walk away and shut your fuckinh mouth

Don't  even breathe, do not even think the thought. 

You have burned all your bridges, consumed all your chances 

You have let me down and hurt me for the last time 

Your lies and your words do nothing but hurt 

So blinded by your own lies you are a devil in disguise

You only see yourself! Your own needs and no one else's

You always play the victim it's all about you!!

So emotionally cold and numb that you can not see the truth in front of you. 

You are nothing means nothing! You are nothing at all! 

You're not even worth my tears. Dear Mother