I just want to know why

Why do I suffer?

Why do I continue to torment myself?

Why do I have to feel that way?

Why do I have to be so over sensitive

Why do I always do the same thing over and over again

I just want to know why

Happy new nightmare!!

For better or worse, I still pray

I'm on my knees !! bleeding and crying

Just waiting for the next big parade

It's all the same no change !!

Happy new nightmare Happy new year !!

My illness is me !!

My disease is me !!

It's just me and no one else

It hurts every second every minute.

Wounds that never heal

Emotionally scarred for life.

There is only me myself and I My illness is me !!

''

This is hell and you can see it from here!

This is reality this is life !! 

This is from here to eternity 

There is no heaven, no angels, 

There is nothing you can say nothing you can do 

This is hell and you can see it from here!

I can 't lie to you !!

I have seen this movie too many times !!

I'm not blind or stupid or negative creep I'm just me

I can not say that everything will be fine

I can not promise a better tomorrow!

I can not take your fear and make everything disappear

I can not change everything that has been said and done

I know what damage this has done to you

I wish I could say that time heals all wounds

But I can 't lie to you !! The truth is, it's up to you

I never wanted this!!

I never wanted this !! I never needed this

All I wanted was to break free from your madness

To stop the disease break the chain get a better life

To be everything you never were !! Give what you never gave

To provide security and trust !! be the best parent I could be

I gave everything I had to give !! But you took everything away from me

You broke his heart, destroyed his life, stole his future

And you're still blaming me, I never wanted this!!

Clean my wounds take my pain, stay away!!

Brain brain go away

Take a break !! make a change

Stop those crazy things inside my mind

Make me see another way

Wake me up !! Stop the madness

Help me break this chain !!

Clean my wounds take my pain, stay away

My thoughts belong to me and no one else!!

My feelings are my own !!

My pain my fears everything is mine

I care too much about everyone else

That I always forget myself

Their pain their tears become mine

But my thoughts belong to me and no one else!!

Nightmares become true!!

In the darkest part of my brain. 

Where nightmares come true

A scary maze filled with doors. 

A place where every step feels like an eternity. 

Wher I am forced to experience everything over and over again

I force myself forward out of pure survival instinct.

There is nowhere to run. Nowhere to take shelter or hide

A dark place inside of my own head! 

Where time stands still and nightmares become true!!

The scar will always remain!!

There is no reason no rhyme '

No words no apologies no forgiveness

Some things are just not meant to be

What is broken can not be fixed wounds do not heal

You can not turn back time !! And wish everything away!

What has been done is done and the scar will always remain

I'm A Dead Man Walking!!

Life's a mess!! It's all in my head

It's driving me mad My body is dead!

My mind is like trash!! My head can not rest

I am the rubbish in my own brain I'm the mess in my head 

I'm A Dead Man Walking And my life's a mess !!

Welkom to hell where no one gets rest !!

I'm just so mad at myself!!

So mad at myself

I just want to run away and hide away

Disappear from the madness around me

Break the chains and swallow my pain

Why did I give up? why did I leave everything

I feel sad, I wonder why !! should I laugh or cry

I'm just so mad at myself for giving in !!

They are still here, they always come back !!

A child without hope joy and security.

So many years a struggle to survive.

A lifetime reflected off anxiety and fear !!

A constant longing to get away from it all

Damaged from the start, used up and broken

I Shut down I ceased to exist I became nothing

I escaped from reality created my own safe place

A place where no one could touch me or hurt me again

I was afraid of my own feelings afraid of being hurt !!

I just wanted to get away from the demons outside

Deep down in the depths of my own mind !! I locked myself in

I can not escape I can not hide. I'm still stuck inside my mind

They are still here, they always come back !!

I need everything !!

I need a ticket to nowhere !!

I need someone something a way out

I need fuel I need energy. I need a light in my darkness.

I need a shoulder to rest my head against.

Someone who can catch me when I fall.

I need a leading hand someone to guide me

Someone who can make me feel safe and loved again

I need security I need support I need a helping hand

I need everything !! I'm so lost so scared so vulnerable!

I hold my breath and pray!!

Razor blade in my throat!

Nails in my head, a thousand needles through my body.

Shaking, tingling a constant ache.

Knocked out paralyzed! Bleeding eyes open wounds!

Physically exhausted broken down 

Scared and weak down on my knees

I hold my breath and pray for the pain to goes away!!

I will always survive!!

It's just me!

Sleepless nights and anxiety

No matter what "I will always try

There are harmful words that will hurt me

They will make me angry and desperate

I will make a completely wrong decision as always!

Cause unnecessary damage to myself

But no matter what, I will always survive!!

I AM DONE I'M OVER IT!!

My life my choices!

A new start a new life.

There is nothing left for you here.

There are no words!! There is nothing left to say

I have said it once I have said it twice !!

I'll never say it again!!

This was the last time your last chance

I AM DONE I'M OVER IT!!

I just want to break free!!

Are you so blind so stupid?

Do you understand? Do you know what I mean?

If you do not think, you can not understand

If you do not open your eyes, you will not see

If you do not listen, you will not hear

Talking to you It's just like talking to a wall!

I just want to break free I just want to get away

Leave everything and everyone behind me.!!

I rather feel nothing at all !!

I'd rather be alone !!

Than somewhere near you

I prefer the silence, the calm without you

I rather feel nothing at all !! Than to feel everything you make me feel

I'd rather be free from demons within! To Be for myself and no one else

To breathe and live and finally be free !!

Then to be trapped in your hell and drown in your lies!!

There is no heaven no angels!!

Call it what you will

Nothing you say nothing you do can change that

You can Judge me throw me to the wolves sacrifice me.

You can still never save me !! You can not delete or erase.

All the memories that constantly haunt me

You can't turn it off or shut it down. or make it disappear

You can't change or delete all the wounds you created

You can't expect me to forgive or forget!!

There is no heaven no angels. No savior who can save me.

Not even god can judge me for leaving you behind!! You crucified me now i'm sacrificing you to survive

I just wish I could have cried!!

I wish I could cry !!

Open up and let the rain cleanse my soul

Wash away all my pain and suffering

Everything I avoided everything I escaped from

I never cried, never showed emotion

I never opened up I stored everything inside

It took my life to keep it all inside

All these wasted years !! All unhealed wounds

I just wish I could have cried opened up and let it all out!!

I want to go home!!

I want to find a way back home !!

To the safe, secure place where I hid as a child

The place where no one could touch me or, hurt me.

The place where I was free alone and invulnerable

I want to go back to the safe, secure place!!

Far far away from this home sweet homicide !!

Pleas take me home so i can feel safe to live my life without fear and hate

A dream of a life without anger and fear !!

A lifelong curse!

The hunt !! after answer, the truth

I chase shadows dreams of a life that will never be!

Why am I looking for something I've never had

An illusion of a perfect life where the sun shines and everything is fine

A dream of a life without anger and fear !!

Why did you promise heaven when all you gave was hell!!

I may be a freak but I'm still me!!

Every day is a new page!

No yesterday no tomorrow.

It's just here and now. I may be depressed I may have anxiety.

I feel bad I'm completely exhausted I'm not alone and isolated.

I'm just tired and powerless. I know where I want to go and where I am going.

The road has been long and crooked. A fight against me myself & i!!

But I'm still standing !! I will never give up the fight !! i'm not going to give in

It's time to break free, burn the bridges! Set myself free and learn to live again

I may be a freak but I'm still me!!

Do not let toxic people take control of your life!!

Do not waste your precious time !!

Throw them all away! Wash away their evil ways!

Cleanse your wounds, wipe your tears

Leave the past take the step !! throw out rubbish

Clean the closet, let go of all your fears and anxieties

Put the demons in your head to rest

Break free from the shadows of the past

Do not let toxic people take control of your life!! They will suffocate you!!