My own prison!

So scared i am still trapped in a closet.  I still hear the screams I hear the abuse.

Why am I afraid to let someone get too close. Fear of closeness and tenderness. Scared to open up scared to ventilate and release everything that suffocates me. Tears me to pieces from the inside. Shuts down all emotions, all thoughts. I shut down everything and everyone. So scared so lost. I wandered around in the shadows. Constantly on the run from myself. What am I looking for, what am I missing. Why do I feel so empty and alone. What is it that constantly prevents me from taking the small step. Just a step so scary. I'm staring at the door. I WANT OUT! Escape from my cell that isolates me. locks me inside. I want outI I want to live but so afraid of being hurt. This fear. Which locks me in and prevents me from living. I'm still locked in a closet